The Angsty "Over It" Post

Alright...So, continuing on from the last update...

(If you haven't read it, read this one first.)

Yes, I've kind of gone a little sour thinking about my last relationship.

Maybe even a little bit like....

I've also had to go through some redefining myself in order to relieve some of the guilt I was going through. I'm drained even just talking about all of this.

Part of my draft I was writing previously:

Oh...nevermind. I deleted it because I am lame.

Basically, it talked about music and why I related to them. Such as Dave Matthews Band and Metric being my top favorites.

Blue October is somewhat like autumn and just...awakening and refreshing.

....over all....I've done quite a bit of thinking over the past half year.
....especially the last few months.

One thing...is even at this point and then...I can't lie about my affections for a person. Or lack of them. I'm...so exhausted of anything relating to my last relationship. I think we sucked everything out of it. I honestly don't even remember what our last argument was on. Only the times that were driving us apart! #iknowimabadperson #imonlybeinghonest #hatemeitsstilltrue

Though...one thing that I wish people would understand:

Sometimes we forget when everything is all said in done, that in all honesty, I thought I loved him. And I'm sure I did. All in all though, I still care. More than anything, do I care. There isn't much I can do to change that, just like there is nothing that is going to make me forget him. When someone has had that much time in your life, they're stuck. I still have wonderful memories of us together, but they're memories in the past. It's time to move on...

All in all, with how much of a bad person you may be thinking I am. I wouldn't blame you, I do it myself, I promised myself I would avoid hurting him at all costs after leaving him. How? In the best ways I know how...honesty, clarity, kindness yet sternness, and...me leaving in general and just staying away. If there anything I could say over and over again, it would be "I'm sorry."

Though, if I could dedicate a song to him:

Keep your head up and have a little faith.

Something I've learned about myself...

Though, it also appears:

I have a habit of taking long bike rides and car rides around town....going somewhere aimlessly thinking. I've been doing that a lot. It's nice.

This is something I'll deal with more recently that was killing me. The mind is a wonderful and yet terrible thing.

I saw a wait for freedom with the last guy I was with, partially because he restricted me to be me in ways that I don't even think he did on purpose. I'm realizing how important it is to be living and enjoying life again though.

I've learned to stop thinking things through so thoroughly and just...take the jump. Do it.

I need to live a little and stop worrying about the past I suppose.

After all this...

I learned a bit about how important friendship and family are to me. Some had been warning me while others are sort of in this boat...

And didn't quite say anything.

I appreciate the loyalty I realized some of them hold towards me and my happiness though.

Don't let me do this again though. Say something...all the while, I learned....


So some of you can say, "I told you so."

Jared, thank you for sticking out the most as an ear and best friend through ALL my craziness. How you still sanely hang out with me, I don't know..

So where did this leave me?

Well. At the point I would have originally posted this, I would have probably left it at this. I'll move onto a more recent update on life. This would officially be my past and now...things have been moving up luckily.

Good. (:

Tay