The Post-Break Up Post

So I haven't seen any updates on here recently from...anyone. I've been meaning to though. In fact, I have a whole draft I keep adding to more and more but haven't posted. No joke:

My proof. I've honestly been trying to write but not procrastinate at the same time, but I'm currently booting that idea and updating...something.

So the plan here is to not write anything new to the posting challenge, buuuut- I'll post some stuff from my draft, some new stuff I've been focusing on, aaannnddd some post break up stuff that...well, it's my post, so I can whine.

By the way, I'm shocked by how many people have randomly mentioned something I wrote about or go out of their way to tell me they like what I've written. Thanks, I honestly write this more for myself, but I suppose I don't mind having people tag along and see what is going on in my life outside of facebook. Hurray?

Getting back on subject, to set the mood for the moment:

"I forgot to post this a few weeks ago, but I suddenly remember. You know what made me appreciate being a college student so much recently? High school students.

I think paying for your education gives you importance. Understanding that this is your chance to make it big gives you motivation. Working your butt off gives you identity. Some high schoolers take all these things and give it perspective. Thank you for shedding light on life.

I was beyond irritated watching one girl laugh at another because of her slightly larger stature and point her out to her friends. Obviously there was no vital reason as to why except to perhaps make her feel better about herself. I honestly...don't get it. If you have to use other people's issues to justify your own, you might want to do some re-evaluating just in general. Only reason why I made a jab at high school in general to a friend recently. I was a bit moody at the time.

While we're on the topic of ridiculous things:

Bahaha...WBC plans to picket at the Superbowl and Academy Awards....please prepare to be ignored. ;) While I get this bubble of anger and disappointment built up inside me, I laugh and just feel terrible for them. If hell is where I'm being sent along with the majority of the world in their standards, bring it on. Rather there than in a hating heaven that they believe in.

So, in regards to judgement: people are silly.

That is all." --- January 2012

As far as where I stand...I'm still in a place where I'm taking everything in with a grain of salt.

I figure:
Now onto matters of the heart.

(MY VERSION OF A DISCLAIMER)

Warning, I'm taking on an approach similar to this:

Why? Maybe because I've recently realized:

Though, before I tell my story of love and heartbreak for the post break up rant, somethings I've learned that I never thought would be true:

I've also learned that everyone's responses, experiences, situations are all so..sooo very different and while we can relate to someone and something they're going through with a person, we can only try to understand the best we're willing to listen and not judge.

Without any former distractions, I'll sum up my past relationship with as little words or hurt as possible in one of the best ways I can. Something I always have loved is the art of dance. It's artful, it's passionate, it tells a story, and without much else, we seem to just understand. Empathy allows us to fill in the blanks and psychologically we just seem to get it.

These are some pieces that I just love so full-heartedly.

The Post Previous Break-up:

I love this dance so much. The feeling of desperation to keep a person around and regardless of what others think of her, she's still going for him. As many others, the signs of lingering feelings stay for another and with such deep feelings that you can't really explain, the end isn't ever fair. What is even more unfair is having to deal with the emotions of anger, frustration, sadness, and rejection even if there are mutual feelings of affection there but both refuse to acknowledge them at the time. Sometimes we need to just move on...

The "Recovery":

Unfortunately, while I didn't realize I was doing at the time, we all have our bumps and bruises and sometimes we drag other people into our hurt that have nothing to do with it. People who are willing to scoop us up, show us affection, distract us from our own issues, and...I think I allowed a new person into my life as the white knight in shining armor. I should have known better, but sometimes we just...don't think. Lovely dance showing the process of coming to the aid and being their for someone else in need.

The Disease that Eats the Heart:

This one, next to the Bleeding Love dance is my absolute favorite. I've watching it so many times, over and over and over again. In all honesty, it's chilling and a beautiful tragedy. You get to a point in a relationship where you don't notice the abuse, but it grows and eats at you. No, I was not abused and in all honesty, I was just as bad. I got to a point realizing that all we did was be mean to each other. Our views are so different, we saw life so differently, and...we held each other back for what reasons? The mix of the fluent ballet movement and ridged forced chemistry between the two show so much. We were trying to make our relationship fit empty puzzle spaces that didn't have room or didn't belong all together...

The Break-Up:

Siiiiggh. I was going to post another dance, but in all honesty...if you haven't watched this movie....our break-up was similar. I saw so many things that we didn't agree with and in all honesty...I felt like I was just dragging him along for the worse. I was Sid.

When it comes down to everything...I haven't even talked much about my last relationship. It was a blur. It was a wonderful year, but we didn't get along as much as we let on and we were tearing each other apart. So many peeves were consistently being triggered between us every single day and...our futures didn't line up. We saw things completely differently...in all honesty...if you as a reader don't understand, maybe it isn't your place to. If this is about you...once again, I'm sorry I put you through so much and I'm sorry. I did this because I felt this would be better in the long run. If you've been hurt by this in anyway, once again. I'm sorry, this was intentional. We thought it was two people falling in love but it turned out to be a tragedy. Life has those though, and the best thing we can do is move on. I'm still filled with guilt about not knowing what we were doing. My conclusion to it though...

And you know what kind sir who was in a relationship with me all that time:



In the other case, someone will also be thankful that I let you go as well...

So at this point....as exhausted as I realized I am about all of it right now...

That doesn't make the past any less important, it just means that I for once am letting it go and moving on from it all. I learn from my mistakes and I stay thank for for all the experiences and memories I'm blessed to have.

Looks like I'm going to break this all apart...

Yeaaaah.